The following is a copy of the remarks we gave to our son, Johan, on the occasion of his bris (circumcision) and naming. The “program” for the event, which was shared via a link in the Zoom event chat, can be found here.
Allison:
Johan Emanuel,
We are so excited to name you after your three great-grandfathers, all men who lived with incredible dignity, generosity, pride, and integrity: Joseph Goodstein, Hans Hirsch, and Emanuel Gruss. They each prioritized their families, their Judaism, their communities, and were all fiercely loyal. They were also each first born children. As first born children ourselves, we are aware of the pressures that come with our position in the birth order and realize that we are giving you a tall order to fulfill the legacy of these three amazing people just eight days into your life, but we think you are up to the challenge.
Oren:
Your first name evokes the memory of both my paternal grandfather, Hans Hirsch, and your mother’s maternal grandfather, Joseph Goodstein.
Hans was originally used as a nickname for Johannes (in German) or John (in English), but over time, it became a name in its own right. In turn, Johannes is derived from the Hebrew name Yohanan (יוחנן), meaning G-d is gracious.
Hans was known to his grandchildren as “Pa Hans”, and he often reminded me that I was the stammhalter (pronounced shtammhalter), literally the first heir to inherit the family name, just as you are. I was especially lucky that he lived just a few minutes drive away from me for my entire childhood, just as your paternal grandparents live very close to you. He was a frequent guest at our family’s Shabbat table each week and would often tell us about his latest discoveries and additions to the family tree.
In June of 2002, Pa Hans, my father, and I spent about two weeks in Germany, visiting ancestral sites of origin. Three years later, for my high school senior project, I continued my work of digitizing the family tree and also did a several hours long interview where I was able to record many of his stories about our ancestors and about his own life. At the end of my presentation, I said that someday, I hoped to be able to add a wife and children of my own to the family tree, and as of today, since you now have a name, I can say that I have done both.
Pa Hans was also a knowledgeable Jew and was someone who would, in proper German fashion, see tasks through to their completion. He briefly attended a yeshiva in Frankfurt, had an impeccable knowledge of the Hebrew calendar, and was a regular attendee (but lest anyone forget, not a founding member) at Congregation in Beth El in Bethesda where he was ba’al tekiah for approximately 50 years on Rosh Hashanah. He even learned how to read from a Torah Scroll, something most people do when they turn 13, for his 90th birthday.
Speaking of birthdays, Pa Hans dutifully called all of his children, grandchildren, and many others for their birthdays without fail each year. And while the world certainly changed in many ways over the course of his life, Pa Hans always welcomed all of the various in-laws he gained as if they were part of his biological family, your mother included.
At our wedding, your mother and I both spoke about how we admired how loyal we are to each of our families and how on the day I first met your mother, I turned down a Shabbat lunch invitation in order to go visit Pa Hans, a decision that Allison certainly admired even if it meant our conversation that day was going to be limited to about 5 minutes. Johan, we hope that you are as loyal to both your family roots, your contemporaries, and your hobbies and interests as your great-grandfather Hans, and that you take interest in the remarkable histories and stories of the families of which you are a member.
Allison:
My grandfather, Joseph Goodstein, was a person who was proud first and foremost of his family and was a stalwart of his community. Youngest among the cousins with whom he grew up, he was affectionately known as JoJo, a nickname your mother hopes to sometimes call you, too. When my grandparents were deciding what to be called, he chose to be called Big Daddy. He encouraged everyone to call him that, not just his actual grandchildren. Together with my grandmother, he would host many guests for Shabbat and holiday meals. For decades, it was rare for anyone Jewish or seeking a Jewish experience to pass through Knoxville without having spent a Shabbat or holiday at my grandparents’ table.
Big Daddy would always start the meal with the same introduction to all of the guests: “Now that you have joined us around our table, you are officially considered a member of our family. Because we have had many guests over the years, you should know that you have over 3000 relatives all over the world.”
In these ways, he went out of his way to make sure everyone he encountered knew that they were a part of his family and deserving of this familial love and connection.
Because of the unusual trajectory of your parents’ relationship, your father Oren met Big Daddy once, before we were even dating in person. The very first thing Big Daddy said to Oren was: “Maybe you’ll be my grandson someday, too!” While Big Daddy unfortunately did not live to see that happen officially, and while it maybe was a bit overwhelming for your father when meeting his long-distance girlfriend’s entire extended family, it again showed the love and acceptance with which Big Daddy welcomed everyone into his family.
Big Daddy’s devotion to things that were important to him of course didn’t stop at his large extended family. As a prominent architect for many decades, he left a tangible mark throughout his home state of Tennessee, designing millions of square feet of buildings including schools, hospitals, housing, libraries, religious and government buildings, and most notably, the University of Tennessee’s Thompson Boling basketball arena. He also served on multiple boards, including that of the local children’s hospital and Jewish, artistic, and Zionist causes.
We hope that like Big Daddy, you will leave a tangible mark on the places and communities that are important to you, and that you are hospitable and gracious host to all those you encounter on life’s journey.
Oren:
Your middle name is in honor of my maternal grandfather, Mike Gruss. Born in Lvov in 1921, then a part of Poland, one didn’t necessarily want to be known as Emanuel, which was his given name but not one that sounded Polish. Instead, he was known as Milek, and upon his arrival in England at the age of 16, he literally anglicized Milek and was known as Mike for the rest of his life. Mike and I shared much in common. He and I were each born on כ”ד באייר, and you were born on כ”ג באייר, much like how I was born on June 2 and he was born on June 1. He loved me, my siblings, and my cousins unconditionally. He often said if there was something we wanted and our parents said no, to call him and he would make it happen. (Not to give your grandparents any ideas or anything…)
Mike had a special relationship with each of his grandchildren, and what made our relationship special was our shared love of Judaism and Israel. He opened a branch of his financial services company in Tel Aviv in 1968, which as I understand it, was a decision driven far more by Zionist impulses than actual business decisions. Although it meant not being able to visit nearly as often as I might have otherwise, I think it gave him great pride that I lived and contributed to Jerusalem through my work there for nearly five years. He was interested in everything I was doing there, so much so that in one visit to him, I had to basically sum up each class from the Conservative Yeshiva’s entire 2009 summer session. We hope that you also develop a special bond with Israel and all of your extended family living there.
Johan, I am going to paraphrase what Mike said to me at my bris, because the message he gave me that day is one that your mother and I want you to carry out into the world. It should be quite clear by now that you too are the scion of illustrious families who did what they understood had to be done. Grow up, learn, study, and conduct yourself in the way you understand you have to conduct yourself. Create what you understand has to be created. Live the way you understand you have to live. We both believe that you can live up to this mantra and all the other legacies we are sharing with you today, and we are excited to have front row seats as you set out on this task.
Allison:
With their combined 281 years of life, we have thousands more stories we could tell about each of your namesakes. G-d willing, you will also be blessed with their longevity, and you’ll hear many more stories over the years to come.
There are a number of people whom we need to thank for their roles in making this event happen.
Oren:
Dr. Engel, our mohel, served as our agent to fulfill the mitzvah of circumcising our son, and worked with us to ensure everyone’s health and safety at our home while doing so.
Allison:
Rabbi Elizabeth Richman helped us to adapt this ceremony, which has been used by many in our community, to reflect our values and wishes. Our families have been linked in various ways for six generations, and the fact that you and Ben had roles in our simcha today probably does not come as a shock to any of us. Another link between our families is that in October of 2014, Elizabeth and Ben’s daughter, Avital, was born as my grandfather, Joseph Goodstein, lost consciousness for the last time. I am forever grateful for the timing of her arrival into the world, reminding me of the continuity of life.
Oren:
We would like to thank Allison’s employer, the Jewish Federations of North America, for allowing us to use their Zoom account today, thereby giving us more than just 40 minutes for our ceremony.
My cousin, Martha Schwarz, was our “Zoom Jockey” during the bris and naming, making sure people were muted and unmuted at the right times, which might be the among the most essential personnel in this era of Covid-19.
As essential as Zoom Jockeys are right now, we do want to take a moment and acknowledge some people with even more essential jobs. The team of doctors and nurses at Sibley Hospital, Reiter Hill, and Childrens’ Pediatrics Associates ensured that our son was born safe, and sound. The doctors and nurses working right now to ensure that all of us are healthy deserve our utmost admiration.
Allison
We also want to take a moment to acknowledge that tomorrow is Memorial Day in the United States, and that all three of Johan’s namesakes were proud veterans of the U.S. Army.
Oren:
We want to thank all of you for joining us today, and especially to Marga Hirsch, Ethan Merlin, Joelle Novey, Deborah Hirsch, Naomi Hirsch, Benjamin Epstein, Ayelet Weiss, Daniel Hirsch, Elizheva Hurvich, Ben Dreyfus, Lisa Redisch, Jonathan Hirsch, Emily Hirsch, Leni Hirsch, Brenda Gruss, Fran Redisch, Benj Kamm, and Emma Kippley-Ogman for contributing your voices to this ceremony.
Allison thanks siblings:
Thank you to Johan’s aunts Lisa, Leni, and Emily and uncle Jonathan for being so supportive of all three of us and our family. We know it’s challenging to only be able to meet your nephew through windows and parking lots, and we appreciate the tangible help you’ve provided in the form of groceries and cookies and homemade bagels, and we are grateful for the blessings you gave Johan today and the fantastic aunts and uncle we know you will be to little Johan as he grows up.
Oren thanks parents:
To Johan’s grandparents, if we are going to describe what the aunts and uncle are going through as challenging, I don’t think we have words to describe what it is like to meet your first grandson via Facetime or from 6 feet away and not know when you’ll get to hold him and begin spoiling him. Thank you for all of your advice since we told you last fall that you were going to become grandparents. And in recent weeks, thank you for your concern about how we were going to bring a new life into the world amid a pandemic and making sure that we have a strong support network in place to help us adapt to being a family of three. We eagerly await the day that Johan can be held by all four of his grandparents.
Allison thanks Oren
Oren thanks Allison